Lost and Alone

It's been pretty long since I last wrote something 'bout my life.... but if i write something about my life in this blog it's usually pretty sad, well... that's my only motivation in writing here though.

I just went wild and berserk mode in front of my mom, she just kept saying something regarding work, how i defend my workers/employee... Ok first, EMPLOYEES ARE PEOPLE TOO! I just dont like how my mom pin-point at any people at fault, I just like to let her know aside from PIN-POINTING all of the staff, just get to the freakin' mastermind! You're just gonna HURT more people with your way of accusing. and I really got pissed when she said to shut my mouth whenever she's "accusing". I mean I know she's my mom and her position being in my life, but blurring that phrase out off her lips is just too extreme... I just felt disowned.

Ok, i'll make it real short and straight to the point: "I'M SICK OF MY LIFE!"

Why?

Oh, I'd be gladly to elaborate WHY! Let me see, I work almost everyday... even on my day-off I even felt like working, and I don't feel the achievement, compliment, the desired PAY for it. And I think I never feel I'll be ever rewarded though with this keep going. and I NEED A DECENT BREAK! ALONE! WITHOUT WORK-LOADS KEEP AFTERING ME! And I never understand why my parents keep on saying I had my vacation when we last went to Davao, yeah that was a good vacation, BUT IT WASN'T RELAXING AT ALL! too much activities and i keep feeling uncomfortable there, maybe it just wasn't what I expect it to be. How I wish my effort at work would eventually pay-off, I mean my parents doesn't offer me a vacation or in some kind of goods. And even day off my mom doesn't even bother to remember it, and i ended up delivering the stocks to work instead of relaxing at home.

The saddest thing being in my work shift is you don't get to interact, socialize with people much and ironically I'm at a "Gimmick" hot-spot from where I'm working. And suddenly I felt what was it to be lonely and deserted. I mean, from my used to active social life, doing stuffs with close friends, especially going to church, doing His works, sharing His words with fellow church mates and even some non-believers. I used to had fun, and I was never alone. But recently it came to a point that I'm scared, scared of being alone.

But I found out being alone wasn't the scariest part of living this life, instead it was not getting to feel how is to be "Loved". I might not show the signs... but trust me.. I'm on the verge of losing my sanity and humanity. and my parents doesn't even get to take my signs seriously. Ok, this is something weird happened to me which I find it disturbing... There was a time when i felt sick and I told my mom, "Ma, I'm feeling sick... I might not be able to go to work....." then she replied "Who will bring the stocks/supplies to work?" then suddenly I just don't know how to react to it.. I mean, that was rather inconsiderate of my feeling by saying something like that. So whenever i feel sick, I just resume go to work 'coz I feel like they're implementing that even if I'm sick, YOU NEED TO GO TO WORK! So I never bother telling them I'm sick anymore. There was this instance that I was seriously sick to the point I was getting the chills and my head was aching like hell at work, it was then they got the point that I was seriously sick and offer me to home. But it was already too late, i was technically speaking half-dead at work too drained to even move. It's just that both my parents are very dense when comes to personal feelings. I hope they'll get to be more sensitive when approaching their children.

At this point of life, I'm totally lost and ALONE, emotionally and physically stressed.. If only there would be a miracle to save me upon this terrible peril I'm encountering.

Well this is not the last of my entry though... I feel like writing more...